Chasity was born July 24, 1992 at 3:29 a.m.She came into this world weighing 8 pounds 10 ounces. She was 21 1/4 inches long, her head was 37 cm and her chest was 36.5 cm.She was so sweet, my very own piece of heaven to love. She was my whole world.
But that world came to a crashing hault the morning of August 22, 1992. It was a Saturday morning and we were waking up so her dad could get ready for work. I was barely awake when he said did you check on Chasity. I jumped out of the bed and was wide awake when I realized what he asked me. It dawned on me she never woke up once in the middle of the night, so I practically flew to her room. I noticed she was not covered up, so I gently covered her up not seeing what was coming. I rubbed her arm and realized she was cold, and by instinct, I uncovered her to pick her up, but did not get that far.
I realized she was not breathing, and that she was stiff. I freaked from that moment on. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs, and her dad came running. I then went across the street to have them call 911. I remember I stayed there, I could not go home. In my heart I knew she was gone. As soon as I heard the ambulance, I went running back home. They kept me out of the house so they could work on her without me in the way. The next thing I remember is the ambulance worker coming towards me running with her in his arms, and her arm dropped to his side. I knew without a doubt at that moment she was truly gone. But I did not understand why he was taking her, so I rushed to grab him. Out of no where the MP stopped me, and he held me tight til the ambulance left, which was a good thing because I was hysterycal at this point. They had the chaplain take us to the emergency room, and when we arrived they took us to where she was. She looked so peaceful, and I remember some doctor telling us some things, which I mainly remember as "we did all we could and tried every drug we could, there was just no hope". They told us we could stay with her until they came to get her for the autopsy. They told us we could hold her, but I could not bring myself to do it, and I will regret that til the day I die.
We then called all our family, and we left to drive an hour to my dad's house, cause I wanted her funeral to be there so she could be buried with all the rest of my family.
I called the funeral home when we got there because we were close friends with some of the workers. So Mr. Billy drove up to the hospital and got her. The next day we took her a pretty purple dress to the funeral home so they could dress her up. The next thing I will ALWAYS regret is they offered to let me dress her, and I declined. I also always felt unable to fully let go because they would not let me be alone with her to tell her goodbye. I remebember running out of the funeral when they closed the casket, I felt like they were taking her from me forever and could not handle that.
I blocked it all for a few years, until I lost my baby sister to cancer, and it came rushing back. I then went into a depression, and with the help of my doctors, I finally let go of my anger and guilt.
They tried to tell me that they do not give a sign when they leave this world, but my sweet angel did. When we went to bed that night, she cried out one WAAHH. Not even a cry just a sound. And they told me after the autopsy that is about the time she died. So in my heart I know she was telling us by. I just could not understand why I did not get up and recheck her before I went to sleep or why none of us woke up in the middle of the night. I guess when I finally see her in Heaven I will finally understand it all.
MOMMY LOVES YOU SWEET ANGEL, AND I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN HEAVEN. BE A GOOD GIRL TIL MOMMY CAN BE THERE TO HOLD YOU AGAIN.